HR confessional #03: stay interviews are too late – you’ve already lost them

The problem

Let’s not sugar-coat it.

Stay interviews sound lovely on paper – proactive, people-first, very "look at us being forward-thinking". But honestly, by the time you’re sitting someone down to ask why they’re staying... they’ve probably already updated their CV and started eyeing up the competition.

Only 23% of employees are actually engaged. The rest? They’re somewhere between mildly frustrated and full-blown "quietly job hunting" – and they certainly aren’t going to spill those beans in a scheduled HR chat.

Humans just don’t work like that. We sit on things, we overthink them, and we vent to our cats or the group chat. Then one day, we hand in our notice and the whole office acts shocked.

So no, stay interviews aren't a bad idea. They’re just... a bit late to the party.

The idea

Enter: anxiety audits.

Instead of asking why people are sticking around, let’s ask what’s making them hesitate – what’s that niggling thing that isn’t quite sitting right? People feel the "ick" long before they actually hand in their resignation.

Nearly 50% of employees feel stressed most of the time. That isn’t just a wellbeing stat – it’s a massive flashing warning sign.

Anxiety audits are:

• Regular (not just an annual event)

• Informal (think coffee, not a boardroom)

• Focused on the "off" stuff Try asking simple things like "what’s been on your mind lately?" or "what feels harder than it should?". It’s less of a rigid HR process and more of a human radar

The disruption

Most businesses are measuring the wrong thing. They track engagement, or if they’re feeling spicy, they track disengagement. Almost nobody tracks anxiety – that specific moment where things are still fixable.

That’s the gap we need to plug.

If you catch someone when they’re thinking "this feels a bit off", you’ve got a fighting chance. If you wait until they’ve reached "I’m done", you’re just wasting your breath. At that point, you aren't fixing a relationship – you’re just starting a recruitment process.

So, how do you actually make it work?

• Keep it real – short, honest check-ins win every time

• Normalise the wobble – if "fine" is the only allowed answer, the truth goes into hiding

• Act on it – if you don’t do anything with the feedback, you’ll lose their trust faster than a dropped biscuit

Train your managers – help them spot the signals instead of ignoring them

My verdict

Stay interviews aren’t useless, but they are definitely lagging behind. If you want to keep your best people, you need to catch them much earlier – specifically, when that first "something isn't right" feeling creeps in.

Wait for the formal calendar invite, and you’re already playing catch-up. And let’s face it – by then, they’ve probably already got one foot out the door.